I don't agree at all that ICA:ICC and OOC consideration can't coexist. They have for quite a while, it's just a matter of knowing what is very likely to have an impact on roleplay that people enjoy doing - this is especially true when you're playing a character who is in a position of power.
And about being disgruntled? Maybe, but that entirely depends on why i'm being asked and what i'm being asked to change. You can't generalize it like that.
While RPing with the OOC feelings of others in mind i've never had to second guess myself every three posts.
So, frankly, I don't entirely agree that it's an issue with communication.
Let's use this situation as an example then, since slavery was the subject in this topic originally: say you have a character lead a kingdom with 2 people in it, & both of them were against slavery IC, but OOCly told you they don't want the situation to change OOCly, then how are you going to have your leader character react? If that leader is benevolent & would've listened to their people, acting out of character because the other two characters' players OOCly requested things not to change would be a very frustrating experience, would it not?
That's essentially what's happened to Ewyllyn. She's been mingling with the people, listening to their pleas and generally hearing them out, and she hears them even when she's not outside mingling. The result is that the slaver-turned-empress felt, because of the sheer amount of IC feedback, that it was necessary to speak with Xahu about maybe looking at revising the laws or finding a solution to it, the reason for that being that, and I paraphrase from the RP log of that event, "nearly everyone I speak or hear about are crying out against it".
So OK, here I OOCly see an opportunity for my character to try and do something that people will like ICly and that fits just right with how she'd have reacted to this, so I decided to make her go for it, since she does have the power/influence to make even more of a difference than many other characters do.
Since we don't communicate well enough OOCly, how am I supposed to know OOCly that the majority of people OOCly are opposed to see it changed? More frustratingly, why does it take an IC poll to get this kind of OOC information?
How can ICA:ICC occur if OOC is just going to constantly block it? I've submitted to OOC brakes on several occasions before & I still do, I'm not out to ruin anybody's RP, but I would appreciate consideration in return for the way I RP.
Then I run into another issue: how can my character react in a significant way, that won't require me to 'ask permission' from the players it will affect, when their characters are the ones to trigger it in the first place?
I don't think we're going to ever be able to see 100% eye to eye on the matter, Ani, because I see problem after problem where you see none, particularly when engaging with other players who aren't used to me and that I am not used to. And I will end up having to second-guess myself because I keep engaging new people who come to the sim, players that I don't know well, and it's my job to make sure that they have a good experience here.
And that is also a conflict with the way I prefer to RP, simply in the nature of my job here.
So yes, I would actually very much appreciate enough communication to know where people stand on things OOCly if I absolutely have to consider people's OOC when RPing, so instead of freeforming what my characters would do & end up with this discussion, I can actually think up another thing my character would do in response instead so my RP time doesn't have to be wasted ranting angrily about ICA:ICC & OOC consideration... I really feel that my time can be better spent than being a vocal minority against a majority group on this particular subject.
edited: I'm agitated & formulated my response to Nova poorly. I'll reply to that later.