Author Topic: Fawn: A Woman of the Deer People  (Read 34201 times)

fawn

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Re: Fawn: A Woman of the Deer People
« Reply #30 on: December 08, 2011, 01:15:39 am »
The front steps of the temple were just as warm and comfortable as the back ones were. I took to sitting there and greeting visitors as they arrived. I had finally admitted to myself that I wanted to be a temple maiden, and this was one way I could demonstrate my usefulness. And I had a hidden motive: I could ask everyone I met if they remembered me. No-one did.

It seemed to me that we needed some greeting that summed up the Temple's creed of peace and welcome. I started off saying "All are welcome who come in peace," but it soon got shortened to "Welcome in peace." That stuck.

My life consisted of grazing, sleeping, and welcoming people to the temple. I would give them tea and tell them about the baths and meals we offered, the sleeping rooms. I would explain about Mother's sacred peace.

I didn't take Aeon lunch any more: he was working for the pirates, over the border, but every evening he came home and sat with me on the steps as the sun set. I worried about him. I never crosse the border myself as I was too scared of what might happen. Wouldn't it be simpler for the pirates to enslave Aeon and make him work for them? They weren't exactly in the habit of paying people in any case. But Aeon wasn't concerned, and lots of pople crossed the border every day and nothing bad happened to them. Perhaps Aeon was so big and strong that nobody would dare bother him. I hoped so. I tried to put it out of my mind.

*

One day I woke up feeling different somehow. It was late, mid morning, I'd overslept, an unusual thing for me. I wandered the temple's stone halls in a daze, noticing patterns and grains in the stone that I'd never seen before. Then I picked up a sent I didn’t recognise: warm and spicy, it called to me. I followed the scent to the front room where Jeduh was talking to a stranger, a buck. The smell was coming from him.

I think I've mentioned Jeduh before, but never properly introduced her. She was a green tigress, her body studded and glittering with jewels. She was a scout, one of the people who protected the tribe. She claimed to be a nature spirit, and perhaps she was one. Or perhaps somewhere there's a village of green tigers who all claim to be nature spirits. After all, in a sense we are all children of nature. People said she had great magic, but I never saw it.

When she learned I didn't carry a weapon she offered to train me, but I refused. There was no way I could ever bear to hurt anyone. I said "Right Action is to refrain from violence and killing." After that she became especially protective of me.

She was talking to a buck. He wasn't a particularly big buck, but he smelt incredibly manly, strong, and delicious. I walked over to him and threw my arms around. "Hello," I crooned. "You smell lovely."

"What?! Get off me!" He pushed me back, but I wasn't going to be pushed away, I moved foward and started nuzzling his chest, as he skittered backwards, fetching up against a wall "Get her off me!" he wailed.

Jeduh grabbed me around the middle and hauled me back. I bawled my disenchantment at the lovely smell being taken away. Not fair!

"Fawn!" she said. "What's wrong with you? What in hades is going on?" I was too incoherent to tell her, but she could smell it on my. "Goddess, you're in heat, aren't you, rut? Isn't that what you call it?"

"Y-yes, please let me go to him!"

"Rut?" He looked up as he suddenly got it. He sniffed me and his eyes widened. He turned away and pawed the stone floor with his cute little hooves. "Oh, well, bring her to me and I will deal with her." Really, he must have been a terribly inexperienced buck.

Jeduh just shook her head. "Fawn are you sure about this? Do you really want to go with 'Baby Buck' over there?"

"Please, let me go," I answered hoarsely. "I must go to him. It is my destiny."

Judah sighed. "Yeah. Right." But she let me go.
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Re: Fawn: A Woman of the Deer People
« Reply #31 on: December 09, 2011, 04:15:55 am »
He pushed me upstairs to one of the sleeping couches in a daze and shoved me down and fell on top of me. I... wasn't thinking very clearly at the time. For one thing I was quivering and panting with desire which tends to cloud a girl's reason rather. And also I had these foolish romantic notions that a doe's sexuality and pleasure were all about submitting to the strength of the buck, who was strong and dominant and masterful simply because he was male. Ridiculous, I know, but I hadn't had very much experience of the world since I had come to and found myself in Naurel's hut.

The little buck pushed me down roughly and thrust himself into me painfully. It didn't take long for the gloss of "submitting" myself to him wore off, despite the hormonal daze I was in. You know, he was probably just inexperienced, and didn't know how to give pleasure to a female, but at the time it felt like he was deliberately being rough and trying to make it hurt. Along with the biting and pinching it started to be really unpleasant.

But you know, I had wanted it, and asked for it, so I gritted my teeth and waited for him to finish. Which he eventually did. Then he wouldn't get off.

I waited, but he wasn't shifting. I was frustrated by this time, well, angry, really. I shoved him. "Get off me!"

"No." He resisted my struggling and held me down.
"Get off!" I screamed at him. I probably would have thrown him off eventually, I outweighed him. But before I could Aeon and Jeduh were there, charging up the stairs and Jeduh hauled him off me.

I got up and found my sack dress and put it back on while Jeduh launched the interrogation, firing questions at the buck and me. Aeon just looked at me with hurt in his eyes. I couldn’t meet his gaze.

"What did you do?" Jeduh demanded of him. "Why was she screaming? Did you rape her?"

"No!" He protested. "She wanted it! She was begging for it! I just gave her what she wanted."

"He wouldn't get off me," I snapped. "He'd finished and he wouldn't get off. That's all."

"Did he rape you, Fawn? Did he make you do anything you didn't want to do? Would you like me to charge him?" Behind her I could see Aeon clenching and unclenching his hooves, and I shivered. Was he going to hit me? I deserved it.

"No," I said to Jeduh. "No, no, no, no. It's not that, he just wouldn't get off me. He's not worth it. Just let him go."

Reluctantly she did. He straightened himself up gathered his clothes and spat a couple of choice insults in my direction. "Whore" was one of them. I wasn't really listening. Aeon just kept on looking at me, saying nothing.

"Get out of here," Jeduh told the buck. "You're not welcome any more." He protested, but she grabbed him and hustled him away downstairs. I never saw him again, and you know, in all the excitement I had never even asked his name.

That left me alone with Aeon. He held out his hoof to me, reaches out to touch him, extending my hoof-fingers. "I'm sorry, Aeon," I whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," He said tersely. "I should have been here to protect you."

"You're not mad?"

"I am not mad with you," his tone was flat and his face was like a thundercloud. He was very mad with someone, that was for sure. I shivered.

He sighed and put his arms around me. "Oh, Fawn, Fawn, Fawn..."

"I'm sorry." His scent surrounded me. I was starting to feel all dizzy again, tingly, despite the pain down there from Baby Buck's roughness. He nuzzled me, speaking softly now, "Let's get you cleaned up." He took me downstairs, bathed me with infinite tenderness, and then he made love to me. We didn't have sex, we made love, and that made all the difference.
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Re: Fawn: A Woman of the Deer People
« Reply #32 on: December 10, 2011, 05:14:51 pm »
Two days later rut was over. Aeon stayed with me the whole time, and we didn't get much sleep. Finally we collapsed in an exhausted heap, cuddling each other. When I woke up I felt different. For one thing I felt embarrassed. What had I been thinking? I couldn't remember much, just flashes, rut always takes me that way, but what I did remember was mortifying. Why did my sexuality have to be like this? Why couldn't I be like everyone else?

For another thing, I ached. I felt dirty. Rut always takes it's toll. I disentangled myself from Aeon gently, trying not to wake him, and went to the baths and scrubbed myself clean. When I finished I toweled myself dry, feeling more myself again. It was only one week of the year, after all, and it was past now, until next year. Now if only I could find my clothes and get dressed I felt I could get back to normal.

"Fawn. Just the person I wanted to see. Do you have a moment?" It was the high priestess, Amber.

I felt a sudden stab of fear. Had I done something wrong? Had Baby Buck, or one of the males I'd bothered put in a complaint? Was I going to be beaten? Thrown out? I showed it down deep and forced myself to smile to her. I was being irrational, they didn't do that here.

"Yes, High Priestess, of course, um, I just wish I could find my sack-dress, I seem to have um, lost it, and I don't have anything to wear..."

She laughed. "Oh, don't worry about it. You don't need it. I often go naked myself - it's liberating."

I wrapped the towel around my shoulders and followed the priestess, who let me out of the temple, down the back steps, and onto the beach, where we sat. She smiled at me. "You've been with us a while now, Fawn, and I've been very pleased to see you helping out in the temple. Would you consider becoming a Temple Maiden? I think you'd be good at it."

"Me?" I gasped, blinking. Despite having been working towards it for months it still came as a shock. Somehow I'd never believed I'd be asked. "But, but, are you sure? I'm not... I'm not.. I mean, am I allowed?"

Amber laughed. "Oh Fawn, of course you are, if you want to. That's the only thing, do you want to?"

"But, but, well, Yes!" I sputtered, blushing. "But I mean, I-I, Am I worthy to serve the temple? I don't know who I am, or where I'm from, or what I've done. What if I'm a bad person?"

"Oh Fawn, you're not a bad person!" She laughed again and put her arm around me and squeezed me. "You're a very good person. I get a feeling about you, the Great Mother loves you. She is smiling upon you, I can sense it."

I looked around, but of course there was no-one there. Or was she talking about the statue in the forest? But didn't she smile on everyone? Wasn't her smile like, carved on? "I accept," I babbled. "Thank you! Thank you for giving me this chance! I won't disappoint you! Either of you!"

She laughed and shook her head. "Oh Fawn, you're like a ray of sunshine around this place sometimes. If only you knew. Now there is one thing: I'd like you to emphasise the Great Father a little more when you talk to people. This temple is dedicated to them both, you know."

"Oh, yes, I will do my best." My mind raced. The Great Father? I hardly knew him, he seemed so remote and stern and distant, a punishing and destructive god at time. I'd have to ask someone to tell me about him.

"I know you will. Here, please accept this little gift." She reached over and fastened some feathers into my hair. "Welcome to the Temple, Maiden Fawn. Welcome home."
Bamika Easterman

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Re: Fawn: A Woman of the Deer People
« Reply #33 on: December 13, 2011, 01:23:36 pm »
Sitting on the front steps of the temple in the sunlight, acting as temple greeter, I got to meet a lot of people. There was the trader, Brad, a fox. To me he's a slim, handsome male with red whiskers and ears, tail neatly combed, he likes to wear natty clothes to emphasise his prosperous status.

People tell me he's a shape changer, people tell me his other form is a little four legged orange fox, but I've never seen it. Actually that  may not be entirely true: magic has a strange effect on my memory. When Glssere grew the temple in our new home I blacked out for three days and I remember nothing, although people tell me I was walking around and talking like normal... But I'm getting ahead of my story.

People tell me they see glows and auras and beams of magical light, and I see nothing.

Actually that's not always the case either: I did see Naurel's paws glow when she attempted to heal me, but that's one of the very few times I have ever seen anything magical. I don't see ghosts or spirits either, people tell me there's a ghost in the room and I have to be careful to ask them where it is so I don't walk through it. Ghosts don't bother me: the dead have never harmed me.

With shape shifters it's slightly different, I always remember them as being in the form they are now. To me Brad has always been a dapper little red fox with green eyes and a foxy smile. It's the same with Naurel, whatever form she is in is the one I remember her always having. It's hard for me to remember that she's said to be a shape shifter at all, although people swear it's true. When she changes my memories change with her I guess it's all something to do with having been touched by the Great Mother.

I remember Brad sauntering up to the temple one morning in early winter, carrying a large crate. My baby bulge was just beginning to show. Actually he says we met before this but I don't remember. Magical people can be hard for me to catch hold of in my mind, the memories tend to swim away like fish.

“Welcome in Peace,” I said. “I'm Fawn. What's your name?”

“Fawn,” he set down the crate and came over and gave me a hug. “I'm Brad, you know that.”

“I do?”

“Yes, you do.”

“I'm sorry, I don't remember.”

“It's alright, we've been through this a couple of times already.”

“Oh.”

He gestured expansively to the crowd. “Does anyone need anything? Anyone want to trade.” I giggled and he sighed, turnin towards me. “What is it now?”

“Well, it's a fine box, Mr Brad, but I can see from here it's empty. Unless you were planning to trade your clothes, I don't see that you have anything to offer.”

“Fawn, you've seen me do this before.”

I shook my head. “Seen you do what?”

“Just watch. Does anyone need anything?”

“I need some coal for my forge,” a badger spoke up.

“I can let you have a couple of sacks for the right trade. Just come into the box and help me get it out for you. They both climbed into the box and, one after the other, vanished. I walked around the box, peering at it. It was just an empty wooden box, with a plain wooden floor. It wasn't even big enough to hold two people: One person might have climbed in and squatted down, that was all. Where had they gone?

I must have looked puzzled, or maybe I asked the question aloud because a rabbit man called “They're in the box,” He came over and looked in. “There's a room down there, you can see it. You can hear them talking.” I looked into the box and saw a wooden floor. I saw nothing. The rabbit buck climbed into the box and vanished.

After a few minutes the three of them appeared one after the other and climbed out of the box, carrying sacks of coal. I was dumbstruck.

“Anyone else need anything?” Brad asked.

“You just got out of an empty box,” I said.

“Yeah.” He tried to ignore me.

“It's not big enough for the three of you.”

“Fawn, you've seen this before. You always do this.”

“You got into a box not big enough to hold you all, and vanished. Then you climbed back out of the box carrying huge sacks of coal that weren't here before. How did you do it?”

“It's magic.”

“Magic? It's freaking unbelievable! It's, It's, It's... the AMAZING crate of DOOM!”

He turned to me and patted my head. “Fawn, are you feeling alright?”

I paced around the box, gesturing. “No, No, you don't get it, it's... You see before you a perfectly ordinary box. Ordinary in every way, made of ordinary wood and perfectly empty!”

“Um, yeah...”

“But this is no ordinary box. This is the AMAZING crate of DOOM!”

“Will someone fetch a healer? I think the temple maiden is having a brain meltdown.”

“Healers have no effect on me. No, I'm fine.” I gestured to the box. “I place a fox in the box. I wave my hooves. Presto! The fox vanishes!”

Brad looked at the box in confusion. “There's no fox there,” he protested.

“The fox has vanished into the AMAZING crate of DOOM!” I gasped, rolling my eyes. “Once again the amazing box is completely empty!”

“Of course it's empty, there's nothing there.”

“There's nothing there because  the fox has vanished into the mystery that is the AMAZING crate of DOOM!!”

“There is no fox!” Brad said. I don't think he ever got it.

“There is no fox now, but now I make the magic gesture. I incant the three sacred words: Thistle! Vinegar! Presto! The fox is returned completely unharmed!”  I took a bow and there was a smattering of applause, even though I hadn't actually done the trick.

“You're crazy!” Brad protested.

“Maybe,” I said with a smirk. “Crazy like a fox.”

For me the Holy Island of sanctuary was a paradise because of the food that grew there, the succulent thistles and dandelions, and because of the people and the friendship we shared. For most people what was special was the intense magical field of the place: powerful magic was possible there. I wouldn't know as I never saw it, or I don't remember.

For some reason this is one piece of magic I do remember, maybe because I made such a fuss about it. For all that it was apparently a very pedestrian form of magic, not worth commenting on. I was amazed by how matter of factly people took it. Box that's bigger on the inside than the outside: So what?

It's a pity Brad was away on a trading mission later on or we could all have ridden off the island in his AMAZING crate of DOOM. Or something. I never went in it myself. I didn't think it would work for me: I couldn't see the room people said was there and I couldn't hear people's voices inside. For me it might as well have been a perfectly ordinary wooden box. Besides, what if the magic failed when I was halfway in or out?

The Holy Island was an amazing place. It could have been paradise for us all. A place where we could  have been ourselves, and been free, if only we had learnt to live together in peace.
Bamika Easterman

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Re: Fawn: A Woman of the Deer People
« Reply #34 on: December 17, 2011, 07:39:35 pm »
"Hello."

"Welcome in peace." The response was automatic. The voice sounded familiar. I looked up and did a double take. I was looking at a black male feline, some kind of panther perhaps, yet the voice was familiar. I sniffed his scent. "Glasere?"

"Shh," he said with a smile. "I go by Glaz now." Obviously finding renewed captivity not to his liking he'd lost no time in escaping. His fur was now jet black, and he'd covered the indestructible collar and bracelets with beaten copper. The ridiculous thing was that even in disguise he looked exotic and expensive.

"You'll have to do something about your scent," I said. "Maybe a cologne?"

"I'll look into it, Sister Fawn. By the way, congratulations."

"Oh, you heard about that? Thanks. So are you just passing through? On your way home?"

"No, I've been back there, but it's not safe. As of now I'm Glaz, a simple fisherman who's been blown off course and is seeking refuge."

"Well you're welcome here, in peace. How may I serve you?"

"Actually Sister Fawn, perhaps you can answer a question for me. I've heard that slavery is illegal here?"

"Yes it is, well, that's the law, anyway."

"Fine, so tell me, how do I go about joining the tribe?"

I smiled and got up, dusting off my sack. "I think we'd best go and find High Priestess Amber, Mr Glaz." I led him into the temple in search of the priestess.
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Re: Fawn: A Woman of the Deer People
« Reply #35 on: December 20, 2011, 12:48:16 am »
So Glassere became a member of the tribe, in fact he soon became a monk of the temple – much quicker than I had. He was popular with everyone, and he brought in a lot of food, mostly fish. He had a small boat and he would take it out and catch fish, bolstering his story of being a simple fisherman. His brother Kvit soon joined him on the island, also dyed black. They looked almost like twins, but Kvit was quieter, retiring. I've hardly ever heard him speak.

Glassere could read and write, and soon Amber asked him to study to become a priest.

There were plenty of other arrivals on the island in this period. One that stands out is a human woman with a cat's ears and tail, some kind of a hybrid. She was a delicate little thing with striking red hair, her name was Kidd. She wore this enormous sword strapped to her back, I don't think she could have drawn it, let alone wielded it. She used to visit the island from another place, sailing her little boat. We used to spend her visits laughing and giggling and gossiping on the Temple steps.

Someone less like a warrior would be hard to imagine, so why she carried the sword is a mystery. Maybe she thought it would keep her out of trouble? Kidd's main claim to fame is that she introduced Novaku to the island. He was a red and black fox, he joined the scouts. I didn't have very much to do with him at this time as he mostly stayed on the military side. Later though, he would become important.

Written down like this it may seem that my life was a constant stream of terribble, frightening, and violent events. In fact it was often quiet and peaceful, even boring. I never sought out danger, and whenever there was an attack or a fight I would run away and hide. Meanwhile my babies grew in my belly and the weather got colder.

*

One day I was grazing on the plain near the temple when I looked up to find a couple of furs watching me. I got up, brushed the grass off the skirts of my sack dress and greeted them with a smile. “Blessings and Peace. My name is Fawn.” They were strangers, a tiger and a bear.

The male grinned at me. He as the tiger, dressed in a white tunic, expensive looking sword prominent. “Greetings, Fawn,” he purred. “My name is David, but you can call me Brisbane. This is my sister, Ursa. Tell me, is this the island they call Sanctuary?”

I smiled at the female, and she gave me a guarded smile in return. She was smaller then, thinner, and she wasn't wearing the long ladylike skirts she chooses today. Instead she wore a simple working woman's tunic not much finer than my own sack.

“Yes, this is sanctuary. I'm a temple maiden here. May I offer you a meal? Do you need somewhere to stay?”

The male spoke for them both. “We are  looking for somewhere,” he said. “My sister and I have been travelling for some time.”

I looked between them. Tiger. Bear. Bear. Tiger. An unusual sort of family. I nodded towards the temple. “My own family is just as diverse, I suppose. We have a hoses, Typhoon, a panther, Brother Glassere, a satyr, foxes, felines, and me!”

Brisbane glanced up towards the building. “You are, pacifists, are you not?” His paw strayed towards his sword and stroked the hilt.

“Yes, we celebrate peace in the name of the Great Mother. Peace is sacred to us.” I was not sure I'd exactly call us pacifists, however, so I tried to clarify: “I'm a pacifist, I don't carry a weapon. Right Intention is to do no harm to anybody, to have good will and compassion for all.”

“Noble words,” he said, a sceptical note in his voice. “Noble. But how practical?”

“Brother,” Ursa  murmured. “Everyone is entitled to their beliefs.”

“We need somewhere to stay,” he said, more to her than to me. “Somewhere safe. There may be people looking for us. A bunch of pacifist back-to-nature nuts are going to be no protection at all. We need to find people who are strong.”

I looked down at my hooves and breathed in and out. I wasn't sure that I would call myself a pacifist back to nature nut, but the accusation was hard to deny.

“Brother, there is no need to be rude to this kind lady.”

“Ahem, I'm sorry.”

I looked up and smiled at them gently, nodding. “Rudeness should certainly be saved for when there is a need,” I said. “Or else one day you might really need to be rude and find you have none left?”

The tiger looked at me with wide eyed for a moment, then he laughed. “None left? Hahahahahaha!”

“Please don't worry,” Ursa said smoothly. “My brother always has plenty of rudeness left.”

“Females. Hrrmph. So what about the other lot? Are they nature freaks too?”

“You mean the pirates? The border is to the south, you will see a line of stone posts. I never go across it myself as they take slaves. Certainly they are not nature freaks.”

“Possible, then, what do you think?” he asked the bear.

“Possible, brother.”

“They welcome fighters,” I said. “But please be careful. They are not... gentle people.”

David laughed. “We are not gentle people either, and we can look after ourselves.” His sister nodded, her expression grim. "But I thank you for your caution."

They moved off in the direction of the border. It was an odd encounter, but no odder than many others I had in that time.
« Last Edit: December 23, 2011, 11:32:40 am by fawn »
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Re: Fawn: A Woman of the Deer People
« Reply #36 on: December 23, 2011, 11:41:51 am »
And then something terrible happened. One day I was sitting with a group of people, including a cub, under the Great Mother's tree, talking. I don't know who's cub he was, he was a tiger or some kind of a feline, no more than a couple of seasons old. I can't for the life of me remember his name, if I ever knew it.

His mother was nowhere in evidence, but, if he wasn't safe with me, a servant of the Great Mother, beneath Her tree, then there was nowhere on earth he was safe. Our Mother is kind and gentle, but she reserves her anger for those who harm children.

In any case I was sitting beneath the tree when a fox came up from the direction of the border. He sat and talked with us. He was a newcomer to the island, a pleasant chap, he talked engagingly about himself, where he was from, what he wanted to do. The others moved off, leaving me, the cub, and the fox beneath the tree.

Then a couple of other people came up from the direction of the pirate settlement, there was Komodo, a female jungle cat who had joined up recently. I'd seen her around before but she hadn't made much of an impression on me. She was accompanied by another female soldier – I forget who.

This is how it happened: Komodo called out something to the fox, our visitor. He got up, smiling, and walked towards her. She had her pistol drawn. She fired, and shot him through the head, killing him instantly. The report echoed across the landscape.

Then I threw myself on the ground, and the cub, wailing, tried to burrow under my pregnant belly. I lay there, frozen, not running away because even a deer cannot outrun a bullet. At any moment I expected to hear the thunder of the gun, the last thing I would ever hear.

Instead they approached the body, chatting to each other, and began to discuss the best way to remove his tail to take back as a trophy. They hacked his tail off with a knife, and walked back over the border with it. I got up, grabbed the cub in my arms, and ran back to the temple.

The whole thing must have taken about five minutes.

I ran into the temple, sobbing, holding the wailing child in my arms. Naturally people moved to comfort us and find out what was wrong. "Pirates!" I gasped. "They shot a fox. Right in front of us. Shot him down, at the Mother's tree!"

Glassere was there and he shouted for help. "Healers! Someone's been hurt, shot, at the Mother's tree!" A party of scouts and healers quickly assembled. Someone took the child from me and comforted him.

"He's dead!" I sobbed. "It's no use. He's dead."

"You don't know that, Fawn," Glassere said kindly. "He may only be hurt. Let the healers do their job."

But I did know. I'd seen the bullet tear his head apart, and nobody can heal you of that, except possibly the Great Mother. I closed my eyes and muttered a desperate prayer to her. Please let it be alright, Mother, please.

Glassere handed me across to Aeon, and he engulfed me in his embrace. I sighed, closed my eyes and tried to relax. I couldn't stop shaking for a long time.

Of course it didn't all come out alright. The fox was dead and they brought his body back to the temple, covered in a sheet. A few days later Priestess Amber interviewed me about the attack. I fully expected something would be done, that Komodo would be charged with murder or assault.

Days went by and nothing happened. The pirates said the visitor had insulted their Captain, Tibur. He'd gone down to their docks and they'd had words, then he'd left and Tibur sent his soldiers to kill him. Komodo came around the temple, threatening and intimidating me. I was pregnant: I felt incredibly vulnerable, but there was no help for it. After it happened a few times I learned to bury my fear down deep and not show it, and then she lost interest.

That was when I started to lose faith in the leadership of the tribe. They didn't arrest her, or ban her from our lands, or even make a speech denouncing the blatant sacrilege of killing an unarmed man beneath the Mother's tree. They did nothing. I had thought I could rely on the tribe to protect me and my babies, now I was not so sure.

It seemed the only person I could rely on was myself.
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Re: Fawn: A Woman of the Deer People
« Reply #37 on: December 25, 2011, 12:32:08 am »
Winter deepened and darkened, the days grew shorter. Snow fell and lay on the ground, then more fell, and more and more. Winter seemed to go on forever. I hadn't expected this as I had no memories to guide me. I hadn't harvested and laid aside any hay, and grass grew more and more difficult to dig out of the snow. I stubbornly persisted, not wanting to be a burden on the tribe.

One day Aeon found me shivering in a hole in the snow, and carried me inside and held me till I warmed up beside the fire. After that I ate the temple bread like everyone else.

It was a dark time for me, the darkness seemed to crowd in around my pregnant belly. I was siezed by the irrational fear that the pirates were about to invade and enslave us all. I couldn't be dissuaded. The sense of impending doom grew deeper as the nights darkened, and the fear went on and on until I wished they'd just do it and get it over with.

Aeon slept with me every night, curled around me defensively, but he couldn't keep the bad dreams away. In one of them males with swords burst into the temple, cutting people down with swords. They were led by a dirty looking hyena, his eyes burning yellow.

“Kneel!” I screamed, falling to my knees. “Kneel and they won't hurt you!”

But that wasn't the worst dream. In the worst dream I came home from grazing one day and the temple was silent. Everyone was dead. Bodies lay everywhere, slaughtered. I ran from room to room, calling, but nobody answered.

Through my darkness Aeon stayed with me. Eventually the darkness lifted and the days started to grow longer again. The snow melted and one day I found green shoots growing up out of the ground. It was spring.
Bamika Easterman

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Re: Fawn: A Woman of the Deer People
« Reply #38 on: December 27, 2011, 03:11:25 am »
Priestess Amber announced that Chief Taliesin had died and been buried in a private ceremony. The tribe was shocked, we'd hardly known him, and now our leader was gone. People felt stunned, denied a chance to grieve and say goodbye. Amber announced that there would be an election for Chief of the tribe, to be held immediately.

Three candidates put themselves forward: Brad, the trader, Novaku the black fox, and Will, the human. Brad I think I've mentioned, Novaku was a Guardian, one of the tribe's soldiers, and I had very little to do with him. People regarded him as very competent.

Will... was an oddity. In a tribe of animals of many different species he was a rarity, a human. People regarded that species with suspicion. They were all crazy, it was said, destroyers, you couldn't trust them. They were different. There were no other humans in the tribe that I knew of, there were the occasional hybids, like Amber, or Kidd with her cat's ears, and there was Will.

Will was unusual, I think, even for a human. He disarmed suspicion by making it a joke, by being funny. Even now remembering him makes me smile. He always carried this big wheel thing around on his back, I don't know what that was about, was it some kind of a shield? I didn't get it then, and I don't get it now. Still, out of loyalty I was going to vote for him. More than any of the others he was my friend.

The election was set for three weeks time.

*

I cast my vote for Will, but Novaku won the election. People said it was very close, a couple of weeks later Will and Brad announced that they were leaving the island on a trading voyage, and began making preparations. People began drifting away, it seemed as if the elections that were supposed to unify the tribe had only split us further apart.

Amber took leave as High Priestess and left to visit her sister on the mainland. I know she intended to return to us, but perhaps something happened, or perhaps she just let it too late. Waving goodbye on the docks was the last time I saw her.

That left Glassere, a young an inexperienced priest in charge of the Temple as Acting High Priest, and second in command of the tribe. He did a surprisingly good job and people began to look to him for leadership.

I paid these events scant attention.

My time had come upon me. I was frightened. My belly was huge, I knew it was any day now, and I was frightened. Suddenly I felt I couldn't really be sure if these people were my friends, that they cared about me, or if they'd been lying to me all along. Everything seemed like a threat, even Aeon. His great strength that had seemed like protection was now a danger. What if he tried to hurt me, or my babies? What defence did I against his great power? Only one: I ran.

When I felt my pains starting I ran out into the night, into the darkness. I ran into the woods and hid behind the statue of the Great Mother. I tramped down a nest in the brush and squatted, alone, to do what I had to do. I shrugged off my dress and threw it away.

I was frightened to be by myself, but other people frightened me more. I felt incredibly vulnerable, as if everybody was going to hurt me. I panted for breath, and slowly, slowly, regained my sense of self, now that I was alone. By now the pains were on my for real. My waters burst, and then there was nothing but the pain and the need to get this over with.

I gave birth to twin girls.

In the morning the babies were walking, and sucking strongly, I staggered back to the temple feeling cold, numb, empty. They called Aeon and he came to me and held me and my new family and I let him. He was crying, bawling actually.

"Don't ever do that again, Fawn," he begged. "Don't run away from me. How can I protect you if you keep running away?"

It came to me that as long as I'd known him he'd been giving to me and I'd been taking. I kept letting him down and he kept coming back for more. I was a prey to my irrational, fearful instincts and a darkness I couldn’t even remember and he.... must be hopelessly in love with me.

"I won't," I whispered, ashamed. I was crying to. He had been so kind and I had been so selfish. I was dirt. "I won't run away from you again, Aeon."

I named the girls Isis and Ashara. They looked like deer fawns, they smelled like deer. Sometimes I think I catch a glint of mulish stubbornness in their eyes, a set of their jaws that reminds me of Aeon. But the truth is that in all likelihood they are the Baby Buck's children.
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Re: Fawn: A Woman of the Deer People
« Reply #39 on: December 30, 2011, 02:47:01 am »
It took me a few days to begin to recover from the birth. I slept, mostly, curled up by the hearth in the temple. Aeon stayed with me, not going to work across the border. One night he held me and spoke to me softly, his broad grey face lit by the red of the coals. "When you get well, when the babies are strong enough to travel, I want you to come home with me."

"Travel? On a boat." The notion of stepping on a boat made me shiver. "I don't know." I glanced at the sleeping babies where they lay curled up in a basket by the hearth. They were safe.

"You'll like my home. You'll like the farm. It's a very gentle, very green place. We can grow things. The babies can run free and grow up in peace. You'll like it."

"But, but, this is my home. Maybe a visit..?"

"No, not a visit, Fawn. I want you to come home with me for good."

"For good? But your family, they don't know me. What if they don't like me? What if they don't accept me? I'm a deer, not a mule! What if they don't like me?"

"They'll like you Fawn, as I like you. There are horses, and donkeys and mules in my family, we're a lot more broad-minded than you might think. They'll accept you as my mate."

"As your mate? You want me as your mate?"

"Yes, Fawn. I want you to come home with me as my mate."

I swallowed, thinking of all the terrible things that awaited me: Leaving my home, the only home I had ever known. Getting on a ship, a ship of all things that scared me the most, but with Aeon by my side I could do it, couldn't I? And facing his family, his frightening unknown family, Aeon said they would accept me but what if they didn't? What if they threw me out? What if they threw us both out?

It would have been easy to say no, to give in to the fear, or even just to play for time, and delay. But that would be running away, wouldn't it, and I'd promised. I took a deep breath, and screwed up my courage. Aeon needed my answer and there was only one answer I could give him:

"I'll come with you Aeon, as your mate."
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Re: Fawn: A Woman of the Deer People
« Reply #40 on: December 30, 2011, 02:47:39 am »
Next morning Aeon went across the border to resign and collect his wages. I had a twinge of apprehension, as I did when anybody went over there: Too many people had gone over and never come back. Still, Aeon was stronger than me and much more experienced. He didn't seem to have any apprehension at all, so I pushed my fears down and got on with my work, cleaning the temple.

It was nearly noon when Brad and Novaku and Glassere came to give me the news. I could tell something was wrong by the looks on their faces. My heart leapt in my chest. "What is it? What's wrong? Is it Aeon? What's happened?"

"Fawn," Novaku said. "I'm sorry. Brad just came back from trading over the border. There's been an incident. Aeon got into an argument with Captain Tibur over money. The pirates beat him up and they claim he is their slave now."

My vision went red and a roaring filled my ears, I staggered against the stone wall of the temple, but kind hands caught me and held me up. "NO!" I screamed. "NO! NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" After that the silence seemed shocked. Then I burst into tears, my hide was burning up, but I was shaking.

"Fawn," Glassere said. "Be brave. We're doing everything we can. Please, please, don't... do anything foolish. Think of your babies."

He meant don't go crazy, or at lest don't go crazier. "I've got to... I've got to get him back. I've got to go to him. This is my fault. None of this would have happened if not for me. It's my fault!"
"It's not your fault," Glassere said. "Aeon's a sensible man. He knew the risks."

"He took those risks because he wanted to be with me!" I wailed.

"That was his choice."

I turned to Novaku, and grabbed his tunic with my hooves. "Help me, please!" I begged, actually I suppose it was more like demanded. "Please! Get Aeon back for me! Please! I'll do anything!"

"I'm sorry, Fawn, but it's difficult. Tibur claims Aeon owes him money..."

"That's a lie! He lies! He always lies! He owed Aeon money, Aeon went to get it. He lied about Shadow, he lied about Glassere, and now he's lying about Aeon! He's lying!" I looked from face to face at the serious, gentle, sad expressions. They were sympathetic, but they weren't going to help me.

"It's difficult," Glassere reiterated. "If we push Tibur he'll push back. He'll claim it's a matter of principle and refuse to back down. We need you to be calm for a while."

"No! I've heard this too often, calm down Fawn, wait, Fawn, be sensible, Fawn, and then nothing gets done!"

Brad shook his head and stroked my arm. "Glassere and Novaku aren't like that, Fawn. They'll get the job done. It just isn't the right time. In a couple of months Tibur will lose interest and we'll be able to spirit him out of there, or even just buy him quietly."

"No! You must free him, you must get him free now! I can't bear it!" I sank to my knees, sobbing.

"Have faith, Fawn," Glassere whispered. "Trust us. We won't let you down. But we can't do anything yet because Aeon isn't a member of the tribe. Under the treaty we've got no legal right to him."

Other temple maidens came and cleaned my face and tried to comfort me or interest me in my babies. The males went away. I got very quiet, withdrawing into myself. I prayed and prayed to the Great Mother, begging her over and over for her help, for a miracle. Of course nothing happened: gods don't come down on a cloud to save us.
Bamika Easterman

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Re: Fawn: A Woman of the Deer People
« Reply #41 on: January 03, 2012, 05:45:32 pm »
So Aeon remained in captivity while I fed the babies and tried to do my work. Perhaps if I'd had money I would have dome something stupid, tried to go over there and bargain for his life or something. But were does a deer get money? I knew how Bundy had felt now, and there was nothing I could do. I stuck close to the temple, too scared to graze outside. It seemed to me that the pirates thought they could do anything they liked and get away with it with impunity. The border meant nothing any more. There seemed to be no safety, anywhere.

And so I waited. And waited. And waited.
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Re: Fawn: A Woman of the Deer People
« Reply #42 on: January 03, 2012, 05:46:18 pm »
Then came a day I am not proud of, when I broke my vow to my mother. For several week a hulking grey short faced hyena had been coming around the temple. He wore a really silly hat: black felt, with teeth stuck into the band. I don't know who's teeth they were. His name was Growler.

I felt rather sorry for him, actually, he seemed sad and lonely. You couldn't offer him kindness, he wouldn't accept it. In his tribe, he said, any kind of kindness or love or affection was regarded as weakness, and the weak were torn to pieces and eaten.

He also refused to bathe. Maybe he regarded cleanliness as weakness too, or perhaps he just hoped it would make him taste bad.  He acted tough and gruff and mean at all times, but I got the feeling he didn't like being who he had to be very much. I got the impression he had been exiled from his tribe anyway, but he clung to their ways grimly, afraid to change.

So he'd been hulking around seeming more hostile and angry than usual, seeming to focus his anger on me more than usual. I'd probably done something to offend him like greeting him or hoping he was well or something. He went off for a bit and then came back, dragging a bloody kill behind him. He ripped the head off and threw it at me, screaming something like “That's you!” or “That's yours!” or something.
I naturally panicked and started screaming. The smell of blood terrifies me, it's an instinctive reaction in a deer, and anyway I've been subject to panic attacks for years, maybe forever. Growler went away again and Jeduh came out of the temple and comforted me, while others took the bloody piece of flesh away.

The fact is that I don't really remember the incident clearly. Not only because it was so long ago and I was in a state of terror, but also because it happened several times and I get them mixed up. There were a number of carnivorous idiots in my time on the island who thought it was funny to terrify the temple maiden by throwing gobs of bloody flesh at her. Even Shadow did it once, but I believe that was an honest, thoughtless mistake. Some of the others were deliberate bullying. You get very tired of it after a while.

Jeduh begged me to press charges against Growler, not just for my own sake but to protect other people in the tribe. Eventually I agreed and she went off to arrest him. I don't know what he would have gotten for disrespecting a temple maiden, probably a night in the stockade at most. That made what happened even more distressing.

Although I've never seen it people said Jeduh had strong plant and nature magic. They said that after she had fought and defeated Growler she caused thorny vines to grow and hold him, but he kept trying to run. The thorns cut him up pretty badly, and cut his eye before they could get him to the jail.

When she came back and told me I was distraught, well, I'd been pretty distraught all along, probably. “I never wanted him harmed!” I wailed. “I never meant any harm!” It made no difference: Growler lost his eye because of me. I had broken my vow to my mother never to harm another living being.

Right Intention is to do no harm, to have good will and compassion for all. Easy words to say, harder to do. I'm sorry.
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Re: Fawn: A Woman of the Deer People
« Reply #43 on: January 11, 2012, 09:32:21 am »
My babies were growing incredibly fast. Deer babies grow up like weeds. Within fifteen minutes of giving birth they're able to stand and walk by themselves. You can hide them and go away to graze and they will remain where you put them and stay curled up, quiet and hidden till you return.

Other species babies seem different sometimes, louder and more dependent. Fawn's can't afford to be noisy when predators are on the prowl, and they can't be to clingy if mother must leave them alone when she goes to graze or lead away hunting predators.

Maybe this is why in later life so many of my babies took to wandering off by themselves for months at a time? Or was I unable to give them enough love? Maybe the fault is with me.

*

Lying awake in the middle of the night, the fear gripped my stomach and pounded in my head. There's nothing wrong, I told myself. I'm safe. I'm in the temple, my babies are curled up beside me. I'm safe, we're all safe. Why can't I make myself believe it.

I wonder where Aeon is. Is he awake or asleep? Is he afraid too? Are they hurting him? I wish I knew. Finally I get up and make myself some tea and watch the sky begin to brighten in the east. Eventually towards dawn I doze again, but I know the sleeplessness will return the next night and the next, the fear pounding in my head and gripping my stomach, the sleeplessness making me dopey and slow all day.

Why am I so afraid? I'm safe, I tell myself. I'm safe. I'm safe...
Bamika Easterman

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Re: Fawn: A Woman of the Deer People
« Reply #44 on: January 15, 2012, 10:17:04 pm »
I was terrified that someone was going to hurt my babies. Someone, males, pirates, slavers. Someone, some shadowy someone that lurked just beyond the edges of my vision, waiting to pounce. If Aeon was here he would protect us, but Aeon was gone. I took to hiding them, and myself, putting them to sleep in linen cupboards and laundry baskets, curling up with them in the cellar below the temple, hiding under furniture, keeping my little family out of sight.

I would wander the temple late at night, looking for them. I had lost them. Where had I hidden them? Where were my babies? Where were they? "Marduk! Tiamat!" I would call. Wait, were those the right names? I couldn't remember. "Marduk! Ashara! Tiamat!" Voices called me from the shadows. "Help me, Fawn!" A female voice. "Help me!" And a male mutter, filled with hopelessness: "We're in Hell. We're in Hell. We're in Hades..."

"Shut up! Shut up!" I told them. "Please, leave me alone!" But the memories would not leave me alone. Then I would come upon their bodies, crumpled and broken, lying at the foot of a wall, above them that terrible arc of blood, and I would sink to my knees and wail. "Noooo!"

I woke up, drenched with sweat, desperately reaching and searching for my babies and the cycle would begin again. "We are safe," I whimpered. "We are safe, safe, safe..." But my stomach didn't believe it and my heart told me to run. I wasn't getting much sleep, and I was finding it harder and harder to tell the dream from reality. I was loosing control and it terrified me. What would become of me? What would happen to my babies? Waking took on a floating, dazed, dreamlike existence, sleep was full of searching and calling and wandering the halls of the temple desperately trying to find safety from fears I could not name.

I wasn't paying full attention when people started saying that Cale had been captured. Cale was a fox, a scout. I didn't know him very well, and I tended to keep away from him. People said he was crazy, he heard voices and was unpredictable. Perhaps, given my own mental problems, it was unfair of me to judge, but he was a solider, a scout, he carried weapons and people said he was insane. That combination made me afraid, so I stayed away from him. I am a fearful doe at the best of times, and these were not the best of times, I was alone, trying to protect myself and my two babies from irrational, feeling hopelessly inadequate to the task.

My first reaction when I heard Cale had been taken was one of relief: That's one more thing I don't have to worry about. This was followed instantly by guilt.
« Last Edit: January 15, 2012, 10:24:27 pm by fawn »
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