# 72, 4th Year, 4th Age
I've been taking this time of idleness to work on my own form, training harder than I've ever trained before. It seems to be working -- I've had remarks from people about how big I've become. My life has improved so much in that respect since Mishra worked his miracles on my skeleton. It's nothing short of amazing how much I've been able to improve with his help. Valencia has yet to get back to me about that training she promised me but I don't mind, it has given me plenty of time to work on myself.
I've been able to repress my urges better now. I still have to take it out on a poor critter now and again but I'm starting to feel better. I'm finding another outlet for them that is far more productive...that is assuming Rayenne and her father aren't going to keep pushing their opinions on my family breeding until the leading parties of this town just give up and make it happen only to stop the nagging. Then again, I think Rayenne at least understood a little of what I'm going through. But she's still a very, I don't know -- I have no nice words for it. She was very quick at forsaking her species as I mentioned in an earlier entry, and she's got this kind of misguided impression that the species is at fault for what Mom and Dad did, that somehow the species itself was to blame for the madness. I can't help but wonder who in their right minds would throw away everything that they have been since birth just like that, but it's her choice. It doesn't mean I don't love her, she's still my sister even if we're now families apart.
I don't remember exactly when but we had a talk, she & I, and the big fight that had occurred at the court on the day that our relationship tore up was but a miscommunication. I don't blame her for that anymore, I was being very unclear. The thing is though, on that day I had to be unclear. I was acting completely in the face of what she knows I know when we stood before Xahu, trying to communicate to her that she had to shut up before she ruined everything by being so out of character. She didn't get it. I think it's because when she looks at me, she sees Mom & Dad in one. She probably thought I was genuinely throwing a completely illogical hissy fit like Mom always does. And I find that's part of the problem we're not getting along so well anymore anyway: she thinks I'm some kind of fusion of Mom and Dad. Objectively she's right of course, I am their son... But I'm nothing like them in personality or mindset. I don't care for the purism or the inbreeding, none of that is important to me. Family is what's important to me. Family and keeping my species going. Rayenne doesn't see it, nor does she think the species is worth saving so in her eyes, I'm probably nothing more than a lost boy clinging desperately to a broken toy. Which is fine.
My grandfather on the other hand, oh I can not see him for thousands of years & it still won't be long enough. Not long after things had settled, but of course it had to happen just before I was about to go to court for my parents' actions, he arrived and tried to claim ownership of the house and his assets. Stubborn man... Were it not for my dislike of violence then I would probably have killed him right there and then, he made me so mad. And boy did he fight with teeth and claws -- or more precisely Rayenne's teeth and claws because he's too lazy to show up in person, as he was too lazy to bother ending Mom's schemes before they even began. Grandpa didn't understand that by faking his death, he'd given up all his assets. That's what felled him! As the oldest child, Mom got all of his assets when he supposedly died and it was signed for, & notorized. They tried to argue that Rayenne was the one to inherit it all when Mom died, but Mom had passed on ownership of everything to Dad. And since Rayenne isn't Dad's daughter, that made me, as his only son at the time, the true heir to everything. Grandpa's hold of the family was forfeit from the moment Valencia brought Mom his swords and said that he had died.
Luckily Xahu agreed...with me. We had the papers in order, nobody but Valencia knew Grandpa had faked his death until well... a long time after it happened.
And that's the kind of thing I'm really tired of: everyone immediately assumes the worst about me even though I never did anything to hurt anyone. I actually went so far as to help them. Grandpa and Rayenne should know I'm the most loyal of the family, if Grandpa hadn't come in with the balls to try and take it away from me then I'd have given it to him. But the attempt to steal it from me made it clear to me that he was unfit for leadership. The next one I'd have defaulted to would've been Rayenne but that's a risk I'm not willing to take when she's romantically engaged with Grandpa. I don't want to lead my family but I have to. I'm the only one who will go the distance and do what it takes to ensure that our needs are met and that we prosper. I won't put up with being tossed around the circle like a cheap whore.
Even Athian is quick to judge me now that I'm no longer needed for information on our family conduct. I considered him my friend since he was there to support me through troubling times yet when he no longer needs me, I am given suspicious glances and even outright accused of lying if I tell him that something is inconvenient. Throwing banquets when you're in my position is terribly inconvenient & I'd have expected Athian, of all people, to understand. I was wrong. I did manage to compose myself before I said something to escalate what could have become a bitchfight of epic proportions, so that's at least a plus. I'm not sure if I want him in my house anymore though. We'll see how I feel about that later, but I'm going to try and make a consequence out of him calling me a liar. I will write up a permit request & take it to Xahu directly, explain to him I don't want to host the banquet for Athian & that he won't take my no for an answer. Maybe I can slap Athian in the face with a denied permit application. Hopefully Xahu will help me out & deny me my permit. That should brighten his day a little, easiest permit in history to reject.
Seriously though, I do want to host the banquet for him but I don't make a habit of rewarding disrespect and misbehaviour. Trust is a two-way street and I am not going to award him mine if he refuses to grace me with his.
Kleo's pregnancy is progressing nicely although she's being more moody than usual lately. And horny. My schedule on a normal day reads something like this:
- Morning routines.
- Argument or sex.
- Breakfast.
- Sex. Alt. sex on the breakfast.
- Misc. things, probably also sex. Or arguing.
- Dinner.
- Nap.
- Sex...
You get the idea. I've gotten into the habit of using my mouth more and more often because my little Anthonys are practically crying halfway through the day otherwise & my heart starts beating weirdly after the fifth or sixth time or so. And in the mouth happens to be where I finish in Kleo more often than not, too. I have no idea why she's suddenly so intense with her mouth but I'm not complaining. I feel like I'm being worshiped. It detracts a little that she's female, but it's still nice. I prefer the mouth anyway when we're in a frenzy like this, she dribbles a lot when there's nowhere for the seed to go. I'm pretty sure at this point that the carpet is pregnant from the spills.
With all the attention I've been getting from Kleo, I hardly have anything left to give Sina. Which I guess is fine, she wakes me in the mornings like usual if Kleo's still asleep, but I don't want to pop her maidenhood. She wants to save it and though I really just want to get that over with so I can breed her & get that done.
Now look, I'm not complaining about getting a lot of sex. I feel like one badarse stud to speak the truth. But it both confuses me and irks me that while the women seem to be flocking to me, there are no males anywhere here that do. Kleo can't satisfy me. Sina can't satisfy me either. I need a man, or at least someone with a dick. Someone not Athian's size; I'm a receiver, not a giver. Athian would kill me if he ever tried to give to me, he's enormous!
Kleopatra realizes this, I think. Perhaps that's a reason she's being so intense, trying to satisfy me like she knows that she can't? It would make me happy to know that she loves me so much she's willing to go these lengths to make me happy, but it also makes me very sad. I love my sister, but only just a little bit too much. We're married but there's no actual romance in the marriage yet. My reasons for marrying her were to make her happier & secure her freedom. Another reason was that I needed a female mate to be taken seriously outside of Lismore. A lot of people won't understand that, but same sex relationships aren't acceptable beyond our borders, especially not in the old world. For one such as myself who interacts a lot with the old world, a wife is a necessity.
We have come up with a solution though. We hope. Assuming Mishra succeeds.
We've commissioned Mishra to make us potions that will turn us into true hermaphrodites, not just 'cosmetically' like other potions do. We're becoming fully breedable hermaphrodites if he succeeds, with both working male and female parts. Hopefully it won't mean I have to grow breasts, but it makes sense. Eliminate the gender from the equation and we should both be able to develop a romance. It will help our breeding too. If I am able to carry a litter as well then we can double our production. But we're not going to make the mistake Mom and Dad did by keeping them all together here, no that'd frighten people. We'll teach our many offspring what they need to know to survive out in the world, and then help the new adults travel and settle in other places to build their families and businesses there. Some will probably choose to stay, which is fine too.
The practical point of it though, is that as true hermaphrodites, we'll give birth to hermaphrodite offspring. Simply put, our future will be safe so long as we get at least two of them to adulthood & out of the empire. And Kleo can fuck me in the way that I like best.
This is assuming Mishra's potion works.
Speaking of getting fucked, I recently learned that Nazatuur has stolen Shera away from us. I made my report to Dru, but she seemed to be very particular about seeing the paperwork & verifying their authenticity, like she's expecting I'd stolen her or something. It's not that I really seriously mind, Shera was cute but nothing but trouble anyway. I'll be only glad if I can take her off my hands. Principle is principle though. And if Nazatuur has made Shera pregnant, I'll make him an offer: he can have Shera after she pops her puppies. I want them, they will make excellent pets with enough training. If that is not an option then I will just offer Nazatuur an outrageous sum to pay for her. If he loves her like Mishra led me to believe, he'll pay.
I suspect Dru will be looking for any excuse or loophole with which she can free Shera from me & put her in someone else's care though. She doesn't trust me either. I guess helping her kill my own mother isn't exactly a good show of trustworthiness either, but that was a case of 'can do no right'. I want to be her friend again but I just don't see that happening anymore.
Very few people trust me anyway. I hear Roku's power core got destroyed, and now their princess Yuna - who is of my father's seed from when he was conditioning Ewyllyn - is freezing things left and right with no apparent control of her powers. I wasn't trusted when I said she'd need it and that it'd help her, not harm her. I wonder how long until she kills someone? It's not really my problem anymore though. At least I tried, I'm happy with that.
Speaking of Roku, his son Ryu has finally moved in with us. I think Kleo's coming to accept him now at last, if a bit reservedly, but he's proving to be a very valuable family member. I caught him today in his room having just shapeshifted into a two-legged form. He's such a cute 'folframau', as I will now call him. I have to admit, it took effort to resist the desire to take advantage of him like that, he was just too adorable. I'm not going to misuse his trust though. I have my lusts but I control them. I don't want to end up with another situation where a family member becomes the family whore. It was disturbing enough when Dad turned Kleo into one. Even more that I actually at one point found myself enjoying it. It's natural for a demon though, but I don't want to enjoy stuff like that.
I'm working on a presentation to show Relina later. I hear she's looking for teachers for the academy. That's a job I can take where I can make a difference for the better. I hope I'll get a position.
~ Anthony Vance
